


HAMILCAT: An American Meowsical

by Read_Like_Youre_Running_Out_of_Time (Jantique)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Cats, Gen, Humor, Pseudo-Commercial, Song parodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8956531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jantique/pseuds/Read_Like_Youre_Running_Out_of_Time
Summary: Do you love cats? Sure you do! Do you love “Hamilton”? Of course! Finally, the album you and your cat can enjoy together: “HAMILCAT: An American Meowsical”! (If you don’t have cats, that’s okay. You can laugh at the people who do!)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I would remind everyone that “pussy” is a _perfectly_ good synonym for “kitty”, as in the children’s rhyme, “Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?”  
>  A “gib” is a male cat who is no longer a tom. (“ _Ouch_!”)  
>  A “queen” is a female cat.

 

 

> **HAMILCAT**

**AN AMERICAN MEOWSICAL**

 

Now, at last, you too can own the fabulous hit OBC (Only By Cats) recording that is sweeping America – and the World! Doesn’t YOUR cat deserve to be in The Room Where It Happens?

 

I, **SHERE KHAN HAMILTON** (the handsome fellow in the icon), am proud to present this exclusive offer!  

 

 

 

Start with the exciting opening number that sets the mood for the whole show:

“Alexander Hamilcat,

My name is Alexander Hamilcat,

And there’s a million things I haven’t done,

But just you wait, just you wait!”

 

Every cat deserves to hear the truth,

“You’re the Greatest Kitty in the World! You’re the Greatest Kitty in the World!”

 

One of your cat’s favorites is bound to be John Clawrens' number:

“Yow! Yow! Yow! ME-Yow!

What time is it? MEALTIME yow!

I’m the feline in the place to be!

A-two cans of Friskies tuna, but I’m workin’ on three!”

 

Or the exciting fast-paced follow-up (takes place five minutes later):

“Guts! And shits! And little mousy bits! We lay them on your bedroom rug; consolidate our gifts!”

 

A Message from the Cat! A Message from the CAT! A Message from the **CAT**!

“You say

There’s something called ‘work’—that’s the reason you’re going away.

You roar

‘Now behave!’ as though I were a slave as you rush through the door.

That’s too bad!

Remember, we made an arrangement when I came to stay.

Now you’re making me mad.

Remember, despite our estrangement, I’m your CAT! 

 

You’ll be back

Soon you’ll see

Ripped up boxes ‘neath the Christmas tree!

You’ll be back

Time will tell

Under your bed there’ll be a certain smell.

Claws will rise

Curtains fall

You will learn to answer when I call!

And when push

Comes to shove

I will bring a disemboweled mousie

To remind you of my love!

( _Everybody_!)

Yow yow yow ME-ow yow yow yow yow yow YOWWWWW!”

 

Does _your_ cat have Purr Blood in his veins? He’ll meow along to the songs of the fabulous **AARON PURR**!

 

“Talk less, stalk more,

Don’t let them know how the vase got

Broken on the floor.

You want to get ahead?

Let the humans blame the dog instead!”

 

Aaron Purr also narrates, “A Winter’s Ball(ing):

“How does a Domestic Short-Hair, son of a Ragdoll and a Tabby,

Become the Top Cat without ever looking shabby?

Watch this obnoxious, arrogant, loudmouth slouch

Be seated on the right arm of the couch.

Humans are charmed by Hamilcat right on sight,

But Hamilcat still wants to love, not fight.

Now Hamilcat’s prowess with a mou-ess is undeniable,

But what do we have in common?

We’re reliable with the PUSSIES!

There are so many queens in heat now!

PUSSIES! Smells!! Proximity to meet now!

PUSSIES! They delighted and distracted him.

Hamilfans all named their (non-)feral tomcats after him!”

     “THAT’S TRUE!”

 

You and your cats can share the songs of Love and Romance!

“I may not live to see our glory,

But I’ve seen wonders great and small.

‘Cause if the tomcat can get lucky,

There’s hope for our ass after all!

Lift your tail to freedom,

Something you will never see again!

Off to the vet tomorrow—

You’ll be a gib after tonight!

(Let’s have another round tonight!)”

 

And _of course_ we include the show’s iconic signature song,

“I am not throwing away my cat!

I am not throwing away my cat!

Hey yo, I’m just like my kitty,

I’m young, happy and pretty,

And I am not throwing away my,

Not throwing away my,

Not throwing away MY ... **CAT!**

 

Call before Midnight tonight! Not available in stores! 

(Or, you know, anywhere else!)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Shere Khan Hamilton is the handsome fellow in the icon. That's him at eight weeks!
> 
> UPDATE: I sent this to Lin late last spring, and at the end of October, I got a lovely card back from him!


End file.
